His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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