shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
