he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
