I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
