one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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