I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
