If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
