I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
