So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
