oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
