Kiss
Puke
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
