Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
