Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
