you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
