im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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