Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
