Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
