Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize