Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
