so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
