Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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