Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
