i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
