That's when you crack a 10am beer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
