I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
