Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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