im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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