dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
