It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
