My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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