I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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