So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
