When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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