I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
