I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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