just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
