Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize