Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found puke in my bra..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I supernannyed him into submission
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
