maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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