its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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