She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
