you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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