you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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