I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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