She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Panties = found
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize