i don't like sucking hair
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
