Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
