I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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