There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
