better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
