matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
