The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
