I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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