I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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