tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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