In the future we'll all be gay
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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