Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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