He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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