OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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