life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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