Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
