Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
