i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize