oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
