About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
