There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize